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Loving Your Prodigal Home
Raising a teenager can be a challenge for many parents. Most teenagers rebel against authority at some point; they talk back, break their curfew, or simply disobey. Your child may at times be a source of frustration and exasperation, not to mention a financial stress. This is normal. While these things can be frustrating, our culture often overemphasizes these negatives. However, it’s also important to remember that along with the difficult times of raising teens, these years also bring many moments of joy, pride, laughter and even times of special closeness. To simply assume that the teen years will be full of conflict, can distort our perception of our child’s behavior and result in a self- fulfilling prophecy as kids tend to rise or fall to our expectations of them.
The good news is that most young people go through adolescence without any major lasting problems. One nationwide poll of more than one thousand children ages 13-17 reported that 97% of those teens claimed to get along with their parents “very well.” Nevertheless, there are some teens that take rebellion to a degree that disrupts their family and even endangers their own their lives and future.
Most of us are familiar with the Bible story of the prodigal son found in Luke 15. The story is about a son who rejects the teachings of his father and sets out on a path of self-destruction. After much failure and deep despair, he returns home and into the arms of a loving and forgiving father. This beautiful message of patience, enduring love, repentance and forgiveness, reminds us that there is hope for our prodigal sons and daughters. This is because God is patient, His grace sufficient, and will welcome home the most far off of our rebellious children.
So, what do you do if your child is a prodigal and rebels against you, God and anyone else who gets in their way?
First, let me remind you that God knows what you’re going through and loves you very much. And better yet, He loves your prodigal as well and even more than you do. The scripture reminds us in Lam 3:22-24 that because of God’s great love towards us, His compassions never fail and are renewed every morning; “It is of the LORD’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.”
Here are some ways to show love to your prodigal and help them back onto the right road:
- DON’T talk to others about “how bad” your child is, but DO ask them for support and prayer. It will be a lot easier for your child to return to the fold if they know that the door of repentance is always open and the people in the church love them and do not have knowledge of all their transgressions.
- DON’T enable their irresponsible behavior or make excuses for their mistakes and DO let them face the consequences of their actions. If they don’t show up for school because they spent the evening out too late, don’t make excuses for them when their teacher calls. To truly help a prodigal often means practicing “tough love.”
- DON”T focus so much on your prodigal that you forget about the needs of the rest of the family, but DO entrust God to continue to work in their lives. Your spouse and other children need you to be there for them physically and emotionally. You can’t do that if you focus too much on the negative. Focus on the positives. A fun, loving and godly home will help in giving your prodigal a reason and desire to return home and to the things of God.
- DON’T let them run over you and DO set boundaries. Allowing any child to disrespect you or your spouse does not breed respect for you or create God loving children. Only unconditional love with limits grows children that become godly adults.
- DON’T allow feelings of guilt and regret to ruin your relationship with your spouse, but DO build a unified front. If there was ever a time to unite as a couple, it is now. Don’t allow your child to pit you and your spouse against each other. This is not the time to place blame on each other for this situation. Give your prodigal plenty of reasons to believe that you both love each other and stand by what the other says. More than ever before, they need this feeling of stability.
- DON’T add bitterness to their rebellion, but DO make sure to that you continue to talk and spend time with your child. It’s essential that they know that you still believe in them.
- DON’T let your embarrassment, disappointment, or feelings of failure get in the way of your walk with God, but DO continue to be faithful to Him and the church. Show your prodigal what a true Christian life of love, faithfulness and grace really looks like. When they get tired of running away from God, they need to come home and feel God’s presence and have faith in your unwavering love and faithfulness to God and towards them.
- DON’T ever give up, but DO continue to love and pray for your child and have faith that God is still in control, He hears, He loves, and patiently waits for them to repent so He can show them His great mercy… “O give thanks unto the LORD; for he is good; for his mercy endureth for ever.” (I Chronicles 16:34)
For additional resources and books from this author, please visit www.ourhealthyfamilies.org
