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My husband and I are Christians but have had a lot of problems in our marriage. We are contemplating divorce. What do you think about divorce?
The real question is, “What does God think?” If we look at scripture honestly, it’s clear that God hates divorce and for very good reasons. God hates divorce because He loves His people and understands that divorce (the dissolving of a marriage) has profound, lifelong negative effects that bring about a great deal of pain and suffering for the couple, the children, external family members and eventually the church community at large.
—“I hate divorce, … says the LORD Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith” (Mal 2:16 NIV).
Nevertheless, divorce does happen in our 21st Century, even amongst Christians. Evidently, this is nothing new as Mark 10:1-12 suggests that in spite of their knowledge that God detests divorce, it happened in their day as well.
Clearly, God wants us to consider the consequences of a divorce and we should therefore strive in every way possible to correct the situation short of that. If cohabitation is not possible due to an unsafe environment that includes abuse, than a legal ‘separation’ is something to seriously consider.
Nevertheless, Matthew 19:9 implies that although God does not like divorce, He does permit it and permits remarriage under certain circumstance. “And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.”
As a counselor, I typically do not tell anyone to seek a divorce. I think we do those individuals a disservice if we overtly encourage or if we incorrectly influence those contemplating divorce—it is solely their decision and for the most part, they will be the ones that live with the aftermath of that very important decision, especially if it entails remaining single.
The finality of divorce is no doubt why the Apostle Paul delineates the difference between ‘separation’ and ‘divorce’. 1 Cor 7:10-11 he writes; “And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.”
The NIV puts it this way, “To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.”
I will say that I have at times suggested separation, especially if there is some concern for the safety of the family. But even in those cases, I always suggest that they do a thorough study of all of the scriptural passages that relate to family, divorce, and remarriage and pray for God’s wisdom and guidance in making that very important decision.
Beth Baus is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a private practice in Riverside, CA. She teaches for Apostolic School of Theology/ Hope International University. Sis Baus attendes Inland Lighthouse Church in Rialto, CA pastored by Rev. Larry Booker. To visit her website, go to www.ourhealthyfamilies.org
