APOSTOLIC News

Proverbs 15:1 gives us all good advice on how best to defuse an argument.  It reads, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (NIV)   Clearly, we all get angry at times.  This is not a sin, but simply our human nature.  Nevertheless, as Christians, exhibiting out of controlled behavior because of these types of strong feelings is not advised.  Why?  For one, because ‘blowing your top’ never solves anything.  It doesn’t help you or the person you are mad at. 

Below are some helpful thoughts about how best to react to angry feelings and not be in conflict with the Word of God, by Apostolic School of Theology student, Tyrone Singletary, from his research paper on “Anger in the Church”. 

May God continue to bless and help you as you strive to be more like Him.  

Fair Fighting Rules

• Stay in the present. Don’t dredge up things from the past or predict the future.
• Stick to one issue. Try to identify exactly what triggered your anger.
• Use “I feel” statements. Stay away from “you make me” statements.
• Avoid the words “always” and “never.”
• Avoid name calling and degrading or profane names. Name calling and profanity are often the fastest way to arouse another person’s anger.
• Take time to listen. Don’t say, “I know what you are thinking or feeling.”
• Don’t interrupt–Wait your turn to speak. Only one person at a time should speak.
• Don’t assign blame. Avoid “I’m right” or “you’re wrong” statements.
• Focus on the real issue. Don’t argue about minor or unrelated details.
• Clarify what you are hearing. Repeat back to the other person what you heard them say. Ask them if you are on track.
• Don’t hit below the belt. Refrain from using intimate knowledge to attack or hurt the other person.
• Lower your voice. “A soft answer turns away wrath.”
• Take a time-out when needed. If you sense an unsafe situation or your own anger seriously limits your ability to follow these rules, agree to come back and discuss the issues at an agreed upon time.

Beth Baus is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a private practice in Riverside, CA.  She teaches for Apostolic School of Theology / Hope International University.  To learn more, visit her new website at www.ourhealthyfamilies.org