“Nothing happens unless first a dream.” – Carl Sandburg

Dreams. 

We all have them.

Some are childish while others inspire us to reach beyond the walls of our comfort zones into a new dimension. In a society saturated with fantasy, it’s easy to lose focus while comfortably enfolded in our dreams and desires. Dreams with feet are dreams in action. They diminish the world of “what if” or “if only” and breathe life into faiths remarkable possibilities. 

Are we letting the fear of failure keep us from stepping into unchartered waters of potential success? 

As children of God we are called to go beyond the simple walls of the here and now – we are created to reach the impossible because“…with God all things are possible.” (Mark 10:27). 

 So how do we make our dreams a reality?

 FIRST, We Need to Pray

Our hopes, dreams and wishes must be in line with God’s desires for our life. Without it, we are simply running in circles, like a caged hamster going nowhere. What dreams is God dreaming for you? 

 SECOND, Make a List

You may have many dreams and desires but what should you pursue first?  Make a list of things you want to accomplish and then prioritize. Be prepared and know what tasks you will be facing before you have to face them.  Having a plan will eliminate many frustrations as well as help keep you on task.

THIRD, Be Realistic

We often quit before the journey begins because we set unrealistic expectations for ourselves. Know your limits – Take things one day at a time — Don’t take on more than you can handle!

FOURTH, Ask for Help

No one can change the world by themselves – we all need a little help sometimes.  Speak with a church leader, mentor or friend about your dreams and then be prepared to answer questions on how you plan on reaching your goal. Their insights and opinions could be one of your most valuable assets. “The way of a fool is wise in his own eyes but a wise man listens to advice.” Proverbs 12:15  

Amber Baus holds a bachelor’s degree in Early Childhood Studies from California Baptist University and is pursuing a teaching credential and Masters Degree in Special Education. She recently returned to the United States after completing a year of missions work in the country of Belize.  Amber attends Inland Lighthouse Church pastored by Rev. Larry Booker.  

1.      Count Your Blessings.

Research shows that people who make a habit of being grateful feel better about their lives overall, were more optimistic about the future, and reported fewer health problems.

 2.      Laugh Often.

Laughter, like so many other endorphin-triggers, helps to reduce certain stress hormones and strengthens your immune system.

 3.      Do Something Nice for Someone Else

Evidence shows that helping others makes people feel better about themselves as well as improving the wellbeing of whoever is on the receiving end of the support.

 4.      Smile.

A study conducted by the British Dental Health Foundation showed the act of smiling improves your mood, can improve your confidence, help you make friends, and help you to succeed in your career.

 5.      Take a Vacation.

There is increasing evidence that taking a vacation is important for your physical health. People who failed to take annual vacations were 32 percent more likely to die of a heart attack.  

 6.      Get God

Survey after survey shows that people with a strong religious faith are happier people.  David Myers, a social psychologist at Michigan’s Hope College, says that studies show that faith provides social support, a sense of purpose and a reason to focus beyond the self which in turn helps people feel happier about their lives. 

Have a holly jolly Christmas…And in case you didn’t hear…Oh by golly have a holly jolly Christmas
This year!

Merry Christmas!

Beth D. Baus is a Marriage and Family Therapist with a private practice in Riverside, California.  She is an instructor for Apostolic School of Theology/Hope International University.  To visit her website go to:  www.ourhealthyfamilies.org    

We all know someone who is struggling, but do we all know how to help?  Here are a few things you can do to help during this difficult time.

1.  Listen.  You don’t have to give advice or feel obligated to fix them.  Just be there.
2.  Offer to help with the kids.  A few hours alone without kids can work wonders to help an over-tired couple.
3.  Pray for them. God reminds us that the earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results. Don’t underestimate the power of God. (James 5:16)
4. Refer them for additional help. Consider giving them a name of a good pastoral or Christian counselor in your area.  Is there an upcoming marriage retreat you can refer them to?  What about getting them a good book to help such as, Love and Respect, 5 Love Languages, Living in Love, or Happily Ever Laughter?

Beth Baus is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a private practice in Riverside, California.  She is an adjunct instructor for Apostolic School of Theology.  Visit her website at  www.ourhealthyfamilies.org 

The good news is that you don’t have to let stress ruin your holiday.  Try to pinpoint why you’re anxious and assess what you can and cannot change.  For example, do you really have to bake your grandmother’s favorite pie for the office party or can you just buy one at your favorite restaurant?   Does your cousin really need a homespun scarf or is it so bad to get her a gift card to her favorite bookstore? 

Holidays are an important part of family life.  They allow time for parents and children to bond and create lasting memories.  However, with so many things pulling on you, how can you make this holiday season more enjoyable for everyone and avoid excess anxiety? 

It’s easy! First, prioritize what is most important. What do you and your family enjoy doing?  Is there anything you’ve done in the past that is a must to incorporate this year?  Once you figure out what is important, come up with a plan and make sure those things happen.  It’s called planning ahead.  That’s the secret to less stress.     

Here are a few more tips to help you gain more time and have less stress during this holiday season.

• Use lists and calendars to stay organized.

• Don’t put things off for the last minute. Start your shopping now. 

• Cook the turkey and let the guests bring the rest.

• Consider buying some of your gifts online and avoid the crowds.

• You don’t have to do it all.  If you can’t do it, then delegate it or just scratch it entirely off the list.

• Set spending limits.  Make a shopping list before you hit the stores.

• Consider hiring some help.  Hire a one-time cleaning service the day before the holiday party.

• Simplify.  Set attainable decorating goals.  Decorate the family room and front door especially nice and forget the rest.

• Use gift bags instead of wrapping paper.

• Everything doesn’t have to be perfect.  Scale back and spend the extra time with some great friends.

• Take time for yourself.  Get a massage, listen to music, or read a good book.

• Don’t forget, the holidays are a time to enjoy those you love and not a time to stress over the little things no one remembers.

Best wishes for a happy and stress free holiday season.

Beth Baus                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Marriage and Family Therapist                                                                                                                                                                www.ourhealthyfamilies.org

In the end, what affects your life most deeply are things too simple to talk about.

I use to think that I had to be all things to all people.  Then, I grew up. 

With age comes a bit of wisdom and what I’ve learned in my forty eight years of life is to prioritize what’s most important and what is not.   So what is important to me?  My family and friends are important, my relationship with God, making a difference in the lives of others, and taking care of my own health.   These things are important.  What is not important is stressing because I didn’t get all the laundry done, or leaving the house in the morning for an appointment and not having time to make my bed.   Stuff like that is not important.     

 I work two jobs, run a freedom from addiction program at my church, clean my own house, wash and iron my own clothes (and my husband’s), cook dinner, and do the grocery shopping.   Sound like a lot?   It is.  What is different, in comparison to 20 years ago, is my attitude.   My world is not centered around what I do, but why I do it.   

One day I woke up and had this epiphany; the best things in life are not things, but the relationships we have with people, like our spouses, children, grandchildren, co-workers and friends.   So if I wanted to have the best things, I had to make time for them.  It’s really not that hard; our actions speak louder than words so if what I needed was to make some readjustments, then that was what I had to do.

We can’t say our marriage is a priority and not make time to spend together.  We can’t say we want a closer relationship with God and not attend church, read our Bible and pray.  We can’t say we want a loving and peaceful home and come home every day and the first thing out of our mouth is “WHY DIDN’T YOU??? …blah, blah blah!!”  

Let’s be real!  How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.   When it’s all said and done, what affects our life most deeply are simple things.  It’s not a big home, a fancy new car, or expensive clothing.  What affects our life most deeply is the stuff meaningful relationships are made of, like baking cookies on a rainy afternoon, reading a story together, walking the dog and talking about the day….it really is that simple…REALLY. 

But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children – Psalm 103:17

  Beth D. Baus is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice in Riverside, CA.  She teaches for Apostolic School of Theology/Hope International University and has also authored several books.  To learn more, visit her new website at www.ourhealthyfamilies.org

 “You have a teenager? Good luck with that!  Everyone knows that the teenage years are the worse.”

 Growing up I can remember times when my parents were given similar advice; “I was going to give my parents a lot of trouble. I would sneak out and date the wrong boys.  I would be rebellious. “   Many times these so-called predictions would be made while I stood there, as if I was invisible to the speaker.  Thankfully, none of those things happened.  I remained in church, dedicating hours of my time to various ministries and graduated High School with honors having already obtained almost 60 units of community college credits. 

So what happened to those horrible teenage years?  Time after time my parents would smile politely and say, “Well we are looking forward to the teenage years. We don’t believe it will be that bad. Our kids are great and I’m sure they will be just as great when they reach teen-hood.”   

 Sociologist and Psychologists refer to this phenomenon as living a “self-fulfilling prophecy.”  In other words, a belief, either right or wrong, is so believed that it becomes true.  Sometimes, this is the case when it comes to those so called “terrible teenage years.”  Starting sometime before the ages of 13, kids are told by adults how horrible this season of life will be.  Teens rebel, sin and bring all matter of shame upon their parents.  The end results are teens that “live up” to these predictions passed down throughout generations.  Honestly, it’s a shame and most of all; it doesn’t have to be this way. 

 Parents, if you find yourself making negative comments about your teenager, please consider these words of wisdom Angelica, age 17 shares,  “Mom and Dad, be careful with your words.  Words can wound and leave scars that last a lifetime.”

  So watch your words and believe in the best for your child – not the worst.  This one change will make all the difference…I promise!   

 Amber Baus holds a bachelor’s degree in Early Childhood Studies from California Baptist University and is pursuing a teaching credential and Masters Degree in Special Education. She recently returned to the United States after completing a year of missions work in the country of Belize.  Amber attends Inland Lighthouse Church pastored by Rev. Larry Booker.    

Kids are watching every move you make and it’s no different when it comes to the way you treat your wife.  As adults, we model to children everywhere what it means to be a faithful and loving husband, father, and overall human being and you better believe it when I say they will immolate your actions.  So take some time and reassess how you are teaching your children what it means to be a good dad and husband.  Here are a few questions you might ask yourself:

• Do your children see you and your wife spending time together as a couple, talking about your day or just cuddling on the couch?
• If I asked your children, “Does daddy love mommy?”  Would they yell “YES!” or would they take a few seconds to think about it first?
• If I asked your children how they know daddy loves mommy, would they say because of the way you treat her, the voice you use when you talk to her, because you open the car door for her?
• Or would they tell me you both argue a lot, slam doors, call each other names and threaten to divorce?

 I can’t emphasize it enough…WE teach our children what it means to value our spouse…and what it really means to be a good dad.

 He didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. 

                                                                                                ~Clarence Kelland

 Beth D. Baus

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and instructor for Apostolic School of Theology/Hope International University.  Visit her website at www.ourhealthyfamilies.org

Former President Jimmy Carter, Nobel Peace Prize winner and continued leader on the world stage, at the age of 70 responds in a poem to those painful memories of his relationship with his father and its continual impact on his life.  He writes:

This is a pain I mostly hide,

But ties of blood or seed endure.

And even now I feel inside,

The hunger for his outstretched hand,

A man’s embraced to take me in,

The need for just a word of praise.

Thank God that most parents are good people.  But even good parents can sometimes harm their children with harsh words and actions as they give well-intended criticism and advice that presents itself more like daggers to the heart by their words filled with cruel and negative remarks of disapproval. 

Clearly, children need to feel worthy of our love.  This is different than children knowing that we love them.  Part of loving our children is helping them understand by our words and actions that we value them for who they are and not simply because they are our children, but because they bring significance to our lives and the lives of others.  This can be difficult as we drive down those twisting roads called adolescence/young adulthood and watch as our kids teeter on one cliff edge after another.

Nevertheless, if we are going to raise God loving and emotionally healthy children, we have to make a conscious effort  to be less critical parents and be more helpful… less controlling and more caring… and  less self-righteous and more respectful.  It can mean the difference between life and death in our relationship. 

The Bible more superbly puts it this way:

“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails…”  (I Cor 13:4-8 NKJV)

Beth D. Baus is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a private practice in Riverside, California.  She is an instructor at Apostolic School of Theology / Hope International University and attends Inland Lighthouse Church pastored by Rev. Larry Booker.  Visit her website at  www.ourhealthyfamilies.org

“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom”.

Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round,
or listened to rain slapping the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly’s erratic flight,
or gazed at the sun fading into the night?

You better slow down, don’t dance so fast,
time is short, the music won’t last.

Do you run through each day on the fly,
when you ask “How are you?”, do you hear the reply?

When the day is done, do you lie in your bed,
with the next hundred chores running through your head?

You better slow down, don’t dance so fast,
time is short, the music won’t last.

Ever told your child, we’ll do it tomorrow,
and in your haste, not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch, let a friendship die,
’cause you never had time to call and say hi?

You better slow down, don’t dance so fast,
time is short, the music won’t last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere,
you miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry through your day,
it’s like an unopened gift thrown away.

Life isn’t a race, so take it slower,
hear the music before your song is over.

Author: D. Weatherford

…“And just what are parents fighting?”  How about padded, push up bikini tops from Abercrombie & Fitch for girls as young as 7 or thongs for kids as young as 10….”

USA Today recently published an article criticizing marketers for the onslaught of daily trash dumped onto our American children.  It’s hard enough to raise emotionally healthy kids in our problem economy but to add to this the battle with our culture that promotes violent videos, sexually laced television shows and overtly rebellious teens.  Victor Strasburger, a professor at the University of New Mexico shares his concerns in the article over the mounting studies that point to children in our 21^st society who view what would once be considered pornographic material and its link to an increased number of sexually active young children.

As if enough wasn’t enough, we now are turning kids into pint-size consumers and strategically, marketers are turning them old before their time as well as turning them against their parents, says Jen Kilbourbe, co-author of So Sexy, So Soon: The New Sexualized Childhood and What Parents Can Do to Protect Their Kids.”   The article continues to share serious concerns reporting over $17 billion (children products) dollars spent annually on an industry that works day and night to bypass parents and target children with messages that undermine parental values. 

So what is the big deal?  The article continues, “And just what are parents fighting?”  How about padded, push up bikini tops from Abercrombie & Fitch for girls as young as 7, or thongs for kids as young as 10.  And what about Wal-Mart’s new line of makeup for 8-12 year old girls.  “And don’t forget the mini-skirted fashion dolls – from Bratz to Lollipop Girls.” 

And what about our boys?  “Cartoons now teach little boys that you bond by getting drunk,” says Sharon Lamb, co-author of Packaging Girlhood and Packaging Boyhood.

It use to be that parents only had to worry about what was on television, but “what parents are dealing with today that’s unprecedented in the convergence of ubiquitous screen media and unfettered, unregulated commercialism…marketers know that parents will resist buying many of these products.  That’s why they aim their commercials straight at the children…Their goal is to get kids to force their parents to buy them stuff.”

This is a serious issue and the article warns parents that, “marketers are setting up these battles, pushing 5 and 6 year olds into premature adolescent rebellion.”   The results are little children forced to grow up faster and whose lives are consumed with looking grown up.  “It’s not surprising that doctors are now seeing anorexia in kids as young as 9.  There isn’t really a childhood that is distinct anymore.  It’s all about looking grownup.”

For the complete article and/or articles on saving childhood go to www.usatoday.com/parenting-family  

Beth D. Baus is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a private practice in Riverside, California.  Visit her website at  www.ourhealthyfamilies.org